Reaching my Thinself

November 2008 - 250 lbs

I was looking through photos for a picture collage I am doing for our wedding on Saturday. I came across this one. For the first time I can look at that person and feel nothing but accomplishment. I used to look at old photos and become angry and embarrassed by the fat girl in the photos.

My journey to finding my thinself has been way more than just losing weight to be healthy and improving my quality of life. It has been a journey of finding out who I am and the person that God intended me to be. For years I spent my life angry at God for allowing so much hurt in my life. I masked my pain with food. I did not want to turn my life over to God because He did not stop the pain from happening. However, through the help of a great pastor Dave Corlew and his wife Karen, I slowly learned to trust again. They helped me to replace my scars with hope and love that God has intended for each and every one of us. Karen provided me with encouragement. She helped me to see just how much God loved me and find my inner strength. It was that love that allowed me to start letting go of the pain and burdens that I had been carrying around. Food was not my answer and I knew it.

I can now look into those old photos and no longer feel the hurt or burdens that person carried. Her pain and hurt has been healed by the blood of Christ! Thank you Dave and Karen for all of your prayers and support you have given to me over the last couple of years. I know I have said it before but I will say it again...you are truly a blessing to me!

Foiled again!

Yesterday, I hit an all time low 165.4 lbs. I think I may have weighed that in about 6th grade. It is awesome to think that I am only 10.4 lbs to my goal weight off 155 lbs. I feel like a marathon runner that can see the finish line right ahead with the crowd cheering. But then it hits me. Our Weight Watcher's leader announces that our meeting will be closing due to lack of attendance. I am no longer on my high of celebration. I feel like a winded runner that cannot go any further. What am I going to do?!?!

Then there is the wedding planning. Some things are moving right along as they should be and then other places I have hit a brick wall. I am trying to pull off something fabulous but I feel like I am drowning. People are not returning phone calls and emails, I am waking up with my teeth clinched so hard they hurt, and my IBS has flared to the point it hurts to eat. Oh and don't forget about school. I have an awesome instructor but he has set high requirements for us. Normally, I don't mind a good challenge because it pushes me harder but I am burned out. No summer break for me this year. I finish spring semester on 7/21 with a paper due on 7/28 and back in class for fall on 8/4. Did I mention the wedding is 7/24??? There is no rest in sight.

So if you have ever read any of my blogs you might know where I am going. I, Dawn Anama, am an emotional eater. Shocking I know. I will say it again food has always been my friend. It is has always there for me. It doesn't ignore me and is it is always there when I call. Well today, I did not feel like eating my nice healthy lunch. Oh no, I wanted to take my disappointment and frustrations out by eating myself sick. I decided to go to Dominick's and see what garbage food I could find. Well...I think God had another plan for me. I get out of the car and run into someone I know. She made a point to say how good I look. So how could I emotionally eat now??? My plan had been foiled. God had placed someone in my path right at the right moment. I went into the store and right over to where the Weight Watcher's meals were (which by the way are on sale for $1.69) and bought my comfort food...pizza. My whole little pizza cost me 7 points vs. blowing all of my points for the day and then some. Praise God!